Men have lives outside of work. So, does your workplace culture make room for them?
When we talk about workplace flexibility and caring responsibilities, the conversation often centres on women and parents, and understandably so, but there is another part of the conversation worth having: how workplaces support men who have caring responsibilities of their own.
Not every man with caring responsibilities is a father. Men may care for partners, ageing parents, family members with disability or illness, or others who rely on them. Yet cultural expectations around work can sometimes make it difficult for men to acknowledge these responsibilities or use the flexibility available to them.
There can be an unspoken idea that a committed employee is always available, works long hours and puts work first. But commitment shouldn’t be measured by how much of someone’s life they give to work.
The workplace expectations placed on men
Traditional ideas about men’s roles can influence how comfortable they feel balancing work with caring responsibilities. For some men, being a good employee can still feel closely tied to being the provider – reliable, available and able to put work first. Creating a reluctance to:
- leave work for a family commitment
- ask for flexible hours
- work from home for caring reasons
- take parental or carer’s leave
- attend appointments
- talk about pressures outside of work
- tell their manager they’re struggling.
The challenge isn’t necessarily that flexibility doesn’t exist. It’s whether people feel comfortable using it. A workplace can have excellent policies on paper and still have a culture that discourages people from taking them up.
“A workplace can have excellent policies on paper and still have a culture that discourages people from using them.”
A man might need to adjust his working hours because he has children to collect from school. He might need to work from home while caring for an ageing parent. He might need time off to take a partner to an appointment. These aren’t unusual or unreasonable requirements; they’re part of life.
The Australian Bureau of Statistics found that among parents with children under 15 who were not working, 27.6% of fathers identified the ability to work school hours as an important factor in returning to work. Access to childcare was identified by 29.5% and part-time hours by 27.4%.
That tells us something important: work arrangements can influence whether men with caring responsibilities are able to participate in the workforce.
Imagine two organisations with the same flexible work policy.
In the first, a manager says: “Of course. Do what you need to do and let me know how we can make the work fit.” In the second, a manager responds: “Is there someone else who could do that?”
The policy is identical. The experience isn’t.
For flexibility to work, employees need to believe that using it won’t damage their reputation, career progression or relationship with their manager. That means leaders need to think beyond “What does our policy say?” and instead think about “What does our culture tell people?”
Managers have a particularly important role
Policies set the framework, but managers often determine how that framework feels in practice. A manager can make flexibility feel normal or make an employee feel guilty for using it.
- Instead of: “Can’t someone else take them?” try: “What do you need to make this work?”
- Instead of: “We really need everyone here today.” try: “Let’s work out what needs to be covered.”
- Instead of assuming a man won’t want parental or carer’s leave, ask.
- Don’t assume that because someone hasn’t raised a caring responsibility, they don’t have one.
- Make it easier for men to talk about what’s happening outside work
Supporting men with caring responsibilities isn’t only about working hours. There can be financial pressure, relationship stress, exhaustion, changing family dynamics and the feeling of being responsible for everyone else.
Some men may also find it difficult to acknowledge that they need support. Leaders can help by making conversations about wellbeing normal, encouraging employees to access support and ensuring EAP services are seen as a resource to use, not a last resort.
What can organisations do?
Supporting men with caring responsibilities doesn’t require a completely new workplace strategy.
Start with the basics:
Create safe spaces for employees to feel safe speaking up
- Ask your people
Don’t assume you know what employees need. Find out what gets in the way of using flexibility and support.
- Normalise flexibility
Make it clear that flexible work can be used for caring responsibilities by everyone, regardless of gender or level of employment
- Role-model it from the top
When senior leaders use flexibility themselves, it sends a powerful message about what is genuinely acceptable.
- Talk to men about parental and carer’s leave
Don’t assume they won’t use it.
- Train managers
Give managers guidance on responding to caring responsibilities without judgement.
- Look at outcomes, not visibility
Being physically present isn’t the same thing as being productive or committed.
- Make support easy to access
Remind employees that EAP and wellbeing services are available before problems become overwhelming.
Men are employees. They’re also fathers, partners, sons, brothers, carers, friends and family members. Real support means making room for all of those roles, not asking people to leave them at the workplace door.
Connect Psych Services provides confidential EAP and wellbeing support for employees and managers, helping people navigate the challenges that can arise both inside and outside the workplace.
Find out how Connect Psych Services can support your organisation. Get in touch.
